Let's have a quick chat about anal bleaching
Yes, this made us laugh. (Picture: Getty)

Anal bleaching. 

What a concept. We live in a world where it’s possible to apply a special bleach to the area of your body from whence you s**t, to make it a nicer colour.

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I mean, you’ve got to accept, that’s pretty stunning. Utterly bonkers, but in some ways, kind of amazing. But, understandably, the concept of anal bleaching brings up a lot of questions. Which is why we’re here.

Let’s talk anal bleaching.

Let's have a quick chat about anal bleaching
We like to this this woman hasn’t put bleach where the sun doesn’t shine. (Picture: Getty)

What is it?

Anal bleaching is applying a cream solution which is partially made of bleach, to your anus. Pretty much as you would expect from something called anal bleaching, in order to lighten the skin around your anus.

Why?

I mean, there’s no actual good reason for doing it.

For centuries people had naturally coloured anuses and everything was fine. But, given that most of us watch porn and then expect our bodies to look a bit like theirs, anal bleaching has moved from being the preserve of the professional sex worker, to a more popular phenomenon.

These days, some people feel that the darkness of their anus skin is unattractive, and that they can make it look prettier by lightening the colour.

Let's have a quick chat about anal bleaching
Let’s all be wild and care free and let our skin be its natural colour (Picture: Getty)

How?

By bending over and having a cream applied, and waiting while it lightens your bum skin, in short. It’s possible to have your anus bleached by a professional which, if you’re determined to engage with this madness, is probably the more sensible way to approach things.

There are also products you can use at home (one of them is genuinely called My Pink Wink). Home products will have a weaker chemical makeup than the ones used in salons, and also we’re not fully sure how you’re supposed to get the angle right when applying.

Why is this a thing?

Philosophically speaking, because we in the Western world are so smothered by privilege that we have to replace the natural human instinct to provide with ever more ridiculous goals and standards.

On a more practical note, because someone decided that your genitals should be a nice cutesy Disney princess pink, rather than the more naturally occurring brown, and no-one called them out on it. A bit like the Emperor’s New Clothes but with chocolate starfishes.

Should I do it?

If you are so self conscious about the colour of your dirty balloon knot, that it’s ruining your experience of sex, and you’ve attempted of offset that issue with counselling but to no avail, then we suppose you could possibly consider getting your rusty bullet hole bleached.

Otherwise, we promise you, no-one cares what colour it is. At all. And if you were having sex with someone who was interested in the colour of a small patch of skin from which you excrete poo, then they might not be the best person to be having sex with, tbh.

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